Rejection can certainly sting however rejection is one of life’s inevitabilities and something we are all going to experience from time to time.
So why does rejection hurt so much?
Well, various studies have shown that our brain reacts to rejection in a similar way that it reacts to physical pain because the same areas of the brain light up for both. On top of the physical pain, rejection can also impact on our emotional wellbeing. This is because humans are social creatures with a deep-seated need to belong and when we are rejected, it can feel like a threat to that need, This, in turn can lead to feelings of sadness, loneliness, frustration and even anger. It can also impact on our self-confidence and morale.
Whilst rejection is part of life’s rich tapestry it is helpful to look at ways to build our resilience so we can move forward in a positive way by bearing in mind the following:
Rejection doesn’t define us – When we get rejected it doesn’t mean we are worthless.
Rejection can help us grow – Sometimes rejection can translate into feedback that helps us learn and ultimately be a better version of the person we are today.
Rejection can make us more resilient – The more we experience rejection, the better we will be at handling it in the future.
So, here are 5 top tips for handling rejection:
1. Understand and process your emotions
Rejection can trigger a big wave of emotions and giving ourselves permission to feel them is much better than bottling them all up. It may help to do some journaling and creativity can be a useful way to channel emotion like writing, painting or listening to music and moving about.
2. Seek support and perspective
Talking to someone else who we trust can offer a valuable outside perspective. They may well be able to help us reframe the rejection as a learning experience or a redirection towards something better suited to us. It also helps to get things of our chest and an empathetic pairs of ears can be just the tonic!
3. Challenge your inner critic
After rejection, our inner critic can be loud so we need to be aware of the stories we may start telling ourselves. Challenging those negative thoughts with self-compassion is essential and reminding ourselves of our strengths and past successes can help us to feel better.
4. Practice self-care
Rejection can be draining and focusing on self-care and activities that nourish our mind and body is important. Exercise, spending time in nature, enjoying a favourite hobby, or simply getting enough sleep can all be helpful. Building resilience involves learning to bounce back from rejection and self-care is a key foundation.
5. Be curious
A powerful question to ask ourselves when we experience rejection is “What can I learn from this experience?”. Using rejection as an opportunity to learn and improve can be empowering. If feedback was provided, it helps to analyse it constructively and see if it reveals any areas for personal growth.
It is well worth remembering that growth often happens outside our comfort zones, and rejection can offer us some valuable life lessons.
About the Author
Liggy Webb is an award-winning and best-selling author, presenter, and international consultant. She is also the founding director of LWL, an international consortium of behavioural skills specialists. Liggy is recognised as a thought leader on human resilience and wellbeing, working with a wide range of global organisations across the sector.