Feedback is the food of progress and, whilst it may not always taste great, it can be very good for you. The ability to provide constructive feedback to others is really helpful in terms of helping them to tap into their personal potential and can certainly help to forge really positive and mutually beneficial relationships.
From your own personal perspective any feedback that you receive is free information and you have the choice entirely whether you want to take it on board or not. It is a great service with regards to helping you to discover things you don’t know about yourself and very useful in terms of helping you to get a different perspective.
Some people find it very challenging to accept feedback and can get very uncomfortable around giving it, even when it is positive.
So much of it has to be around how it is delivered. There are occasions where I have felt patronised when someone has delivered feedback; however, the key skill here is to see beyond the delivery technique and focus on the quality of the message.
Remember feedback is a gift. It is free information that you can do anything you like with.
In terms of being good at giving feedback, it is really important to first of all ask yourself: will this feedback be useful and, actually, can this person do anything about it? If the answer to both those questions is yes then it is constructive. Following a process will be helpful and this is a good formula
Feedback Formula
Also it is good to get a balance of positive and negative. Sometimes in the workplace or in relationships with loved ones we spend a lot of time focusing on what someone isn’t doing well and not enough time celebrating the things that people do well so that they keep on doing them and feel good about themselves.
Giving feedback isn’t just a great way to help people around you perform better and achieve more. If it is done properly, it will also make them feel better!
Here are some key pointers when delivering feedback.
Choose your timing – Tactful feedback isn’t shouted to a person across a room at the end of the day. It is important to dedicate some quality time for the sole purpose of giving feedback, whether it’s just a minute or part of a formal meeting. Properly announce your intentions by asking “I would like to give you some feedback on something. Would that be all right and when is a convenient time for you?”
Be honest – The purpose of giving feedback is to align the person’s perception of their behaviour with your observation. If your idea of feedback is to spoon feed half-truths in an attempt to shift their behaviour to suit your ends, you may only be making things worse. An honest and assertive approach will create a “win-win” outcome.
Make it digestible – If feedback is the food of progress as I mentioned, sometimes it may be good for someone; however, it may not always taste nice! Use the “compliment sandwich” or more exotic varieties. A compliment sandwich is where you offer a compliment followed by a constructive point, and closed with a further positive feedback point. The theory is that this approach will help the conversation end on a more positive note.
Listen to your own voice – The tone of your voice can communicate as much, if not more, than the words you choose. If there is a hard critical edge to your voice it will have an effect on the feedback you deliver.
Keep eye contact – Giving feedback can be challenging so eye contact is essential to maintain trust and helps both of you stay focused and it communicates sincerity. If you’re working on something, stop what you’re doing and look at the person you’re speaking to. Be totally present.
Avoid hurting anyone’s feelings – Use a softened start-up followed by a gentle suggestion. For example you could say, “I really like the way you talk to your supervisor; you would get a better response from your team members if you spoke to them in the same way”.
Talk about the behaviour, not the person – This is really important. Feedback is not about insulting someone’s behaviour, it’s about telling them how to be better and achieve better outcomes.
Let it go – Once you have given your feedback, don’t keep feeling the need to repeat yourself, you need to then allow the person to absorb the information and take action. If you have to ask someone to do something four times, I can promise you that the person in question has heard what you have to say and has most likely decided not to take on board the feedback. If you’ve reached an agreement or agreed to disagree, let it go and move on.
Sometimes people won’t necessarily immediately recognise how positive some feedback can be. It may take a while for them to reassess and to later recognise the positive impact it has made on their lives.
Now let’s turn this around and examine what it is like to be on the receiving end of feedback. To receive honest, constructive feedback is much like receiving a gift, whether we think so or not at the time. The challenge is to receive feedback with an open mind and learn from it, and disregard our natural instinct to defend ourselves or our actions.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Giving and receiving constructive feedback needn’t be the anxiety filled experience that sometimes we create in our minds. By developing the attitude that feedback is a gift in disguise it will enable you to be more positive and more confident about this life skill as a development tool. It will help you to tap into your undiscovered and unleashed potential and also help you to help others to achieve more and to become more successful. Feedback is a wonderful tool and used constructively can open so many doors to so many amazing possibilities.
Feedback is indeed the food of progress.
“Champions know that success is inevitable; that there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. They know that the best way to forecast the future is to create it.” Michael J Gelb