Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions
Elizabeth Gilbert
Life, at times, can certainly feel like an emotional rollercoaster and, let’s face it; there are some people who even relish the ride. The first step to learning how to manage your emotions positively is to be really honest with yourself about how you are feeling. Too often people stuff their true emotions deep inside through fear of exposing themselves or being seen to be vulnerable or negative. The danger with this is that some of those suffocated emotions can end up manifesting themselves at inappropriate times. The key is to face up to whatever we are feeling and experiencing.
Realistically, we will all experience a wide palette of emotions through our lives and experiences and of course not all of them will be positive. The human condition is prone to both pleasure and pain and inevitably when we feel upset we may well feel angry or sad. Learning to harness and manage your emotions and using them to the best of your ability will help you be more in control and you will then be able to turn them into fulfilling experiences with positive outcomes.
I love this story and think it sums up very well how we deal with emotion.
The Story of Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee Indian explained to his grandson about a battle between two wolves that live inside all of us.
One of the wolves is called “Evil” and is full of anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other wolf is called “Good” and is full of joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.
The grandson listened intently and then, after a while, having pondered the story, he asked his grandfather: “So which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you decide to feed.”
This does sum up rather well the control that we can have over our emotions and how we can fuel the way we feel by our thoughts and focus.
Another great analogy is “The emotional dinner table”
Imagine you are hosting a dinner party for all your emotions and they are sitting around the dinner table hungrily waiting to be fed and you can choose which emotion you want to feed. I think this conjures up a great mental image.
It is useful to be very aware that your thoughts can have a big impact on your emotions and by choosing what you think, you can starve the negative emotions and feed up and boost the health of the positive ones with positive thoughts. You are in fact the nutritionist of your soul.
Philosophers and psychologists have long and well debated the nature of emotions exploring the concept and pondered whether they are cognitive judgements or perceptions of physiological change.
Emotions are an important part of being human and help us to protect what’s important to us. The way we are brought up and our culture will also influence the way we feel. Emotions help us to form ideas and decide what we care about. From an early age we build up our emotional understanding based on the relationships we have with other people.
Here are 5 tips to help you manage emotions better
- Breathing deeply
One of the best ways to calm high emotion is to manage your breathing. Get into a comfortable position and slowly take in deep breaths, breathing in from your abdomen. This will help to still a racing pulse and calm your mind. Check your muscle tension, especially in the shoulders, neck, and jaw. As you relax any tight areas, picture a peaceful scene, focusing your thoughts on positive images.
- Exercise
When you get upset or irate, it will invariably increase your stress levels, so exercise and any physical activity will be good for releasing endorphins. These are neurotransmitters produced in the brain that reduce pain and can change a negative mood and help you to feel better and more in control.
- Write it down
This can be very cathartic and will help you to put your emotions into perspective. Keep a journal and write down exactly what you are feeling. If your emotions are negative write them down and then create a column next to them and write down suggestions of what you can actively and practically do to turn the emotion in to a positive one.
- Get it off your chest
Bottling up emotion can be unhealthy and even lead to anxiety and depression. Whether it is to a friend or professional, you may well need to talk out your feelings to learn how to manage them better. Seek out a good counsellor or a support group where you feel free to share your deepest emotions. The worst thing you can do is to isolate yourself and not reach out for help. The key is to ensure that if you need to vet that you do it in a safe and appropriate environment.
- Don’t beat yourself up
If at times you end up in tears or get upset or angry in the wrong situation, remember that you are only human and you will not always be able to manage your emotions well every single time. Life is full of challenges so view these experiences as opportunities to learn how to react better next time around.
Learning how to positively manage emotions is a life long lesson; however better management will help you to improve relationships with yourself and those around you too.
Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.
Zig Zaglar
*Image courtesy of Alessandro Capurso and obtained via Flickr under the Creative Commons license.