Guest Author: Liggy Webb
Do you have a harsh inner critic that gives you a really hard time when you make a mistake or when you don’t match up to the high ideal that sometimes you may set for yourself? Are you a perfectionist? Do you worry about what other people think of you when you make a mistake? I often remind myself that we weren’t born to be perfect, we were born to be real and real people experience bad days, make mistakes and mess up. It is during these times that we need to practise self-compassion.
Through difficult times self-compassion helps us to turn towards ourselves with kindness, love and care instead of trying to tough it out or repress what we may be feeling. Ultimately, self-compassion is about prioritising self-care and treating ourselves as we would another person we care deeply about.
Here are three ways to build self-compassion into our everyday lives so we can be kinder to ourselves in what can often be a challenging world.
1. Be real
Being real is about our ability to operate with authenticity and achieve a greater level of self-confidence. It is about being genuine and in a world that is dominated by social media, sometimes it can be a struggle to determine the real self from the selectively designed image of the ideal self.
We may worry about what other people think of us and we may want to project ourselves in the best possible light, however, it is important that we never lose sight of who we really are. It takes courage to show vulnerability and when we are more real with other people it can help us to foster closeness, trust and intimacy.
Everyone we meet experiences challenges, insecurities, and vulnerabilities and this is all part of the human condition. When we engage in honest and open conversations with others, we appreciate that we are not alone with some of the feelings we may experience.
2. Strive for progress, not perfection
I am sure you may well have heard the line “Perfection is a journey, not a destination”
We are all a work in progress and there will always be aspects of ourselves that can be improved upon, and this can be very motivating and give us something to strive for.
Having a good understanding of our strengths and limitations, our hopes and vulnerabilities is important. Also appreciating that, for every strength we have we may well have a counterpart limitation because sometimes a strength overplayed can become a weakness.
For example, if we are very creative and generate lots of ideas, that strength overplayed means we may leave a wake of chaos in our midst! Raising our self-awareness by identifying the cost opportunity of our strengths can be very insightful and helpful, for us to balance them out.
3. Learn to love messing up
I know some people who give themselves such a hard time when they mess up or make a mistake. So much so that they spend so much time chastising themselves that they miss the golden opportunity to learn. Getting things wrong sometimes can be highly beneficial and I certainly know from personal experience that some of the most valuable lessons in my life have been from messing up!
Mistakes and mess-ups also help us to build our resilience and can end up being a valuable opportunity for us to learn more about ourselves and identify opportunities for personal growth. These life experiences can also help us to empathise better with other people so that we can in turn be more compassionate and wiser.
About the Author
Liggy is an award-winning and best-selling author, presenter, and international consultant. She is also the founding director of LWL, an international consortium of behavioural skills specialists. Liggy is recognised as a thought leader on human resilience and wellbeing, working with a wide range of global organisations across the sector.
Liggy Webb is presenting a Fringe Seminar at the World of Learning Exhibition
Fit for the future – How to be ready for anything
13:45 on Tuesday 10 October 2023